Barbed Wire

In the midst of beauty there is barbed wire. Be careful not to get cut or scarred while chasing beauty.

What does this even mean? When you are in love and can see only the beauty in the other person, you can end up getting cut and permanently scarred when the other person stops loving you back. When you are unable, or unwilling, to see the flaws in a relationship you can find yourself surrounded by barbed wire with no way of escaping unharmed or forever changed.

When asked, “Am I barbed wire?” by the the person that ended your relationship you find yourself wondering…. Why is she even asking me this? She doesn’t care…. She is happy and content with her decision to walk away so why would she even ask this? Is it because she really does care? Is it because deep down she still loves you? Is it because somewhere in her heart she’s wondering if she made the right decision? Or maybe it’s just her way of continuing to fuck with your mind and heart…

The optimist and romantic in me hopes that it is that she still loves me…. That she is somehow hurting inside as much as i am… but how can that be? She’s moved on. She’s even found another man to hold and love.

It’s these mixed messages that can really play tricks on your brain. It’s almost as if she’s battling her own emotions and questioning her own heart. I know that, in this case, I’ve made some very poor decisions and made even poorer choices but in spite of that she still shows little signs of sweetness and love.

I’m aware that my actions have forced her into certain actions of her own. I realize that I have complicated things more than they already where… I can’t change that. Though I wish that I could, they are done. What I can do is allow her to live in the choices that she has made.

I believe in my heart that the love that we shared was special. I believe in my heart that she knows that what we had is very hard to find. I know that the choices and actions that I took during, and after, the relationship caused a divide between us; Perhaps even an unfixable divide. But I refuse to give up on love. I am a hopeless romantic and I truly believe that Love Conquers All. I understand that, for now, I have no choice but to walk away and put distance between us but I will never give up on our love. This is the woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with. She is worth fighting for. More importantly, she is worth the honest and real evaluation of myself and the work that needs to be done to earn her trust back.

So no, baby… you are not barbed wire… You are the beauty… You will always be the beauty. Search your heart. Understand that I’m human and that I’ve made a lot of mistakes. Know that I will, if given the chance, spend every day of the rest of my life working to earn your trust and love. I will spend the rest of my life working to make you proud of me, and of us. I know now, that in a relationship the two involved must have passions and goals beyond the relationship. I know now that it’s not the job of of either to complete, but rather compliment each others lives. I have been forever changed by this. I have learned so much about myself. I have faced demons and confronted angels. But this love story hasn’t ended….