Unlovable. What if you are unlovable? What if I am unlovable? When I love, I love completely. I love without reservation and without motive.

My last two relationships I thought were going to be my last. With each I thought that I had found someone that loved me as much as I loved them. The second more than the first for sure. But in the end, they both walked away… in the end they both chose someone or something other than me.

How can something that you were so sure of, not be what you thought it was? What was it that drove both of them away?

These are rhetorical questions of course. I obviously don’t know the answer and they probably don’t either. Maybe I’m just toxic. Maybe I’m damaged beyond repair. Maybe I’m simply not worthy of love. Perhaps I truly am… unlovable.

10 years ago you were given the news that no one ever wants to get… some would have given up. Some would feel sorry for themselves. Some would crumble. But not you… you faced this and you fought. You had good days and you had horrible days but in the end you kicked ass and became the woman that you are today. Live each day without regrets and chase every dream… you are incredible  and you are special. You deserve the happiness that you seek, the love that you long for and the incredible life that you were meant to live. 

Two years ago I came to the Central Coast for love and fell in love with the area. I have countless amazing memories that I will take with me as I set out to make new ones in Nashville. 

I’m so excited for this new chapter. There comes a time when you have to make a choice… continue fighting for something that isn’t going to make your life better… or go after new experiences and adventures. Continue in a life that is small and boring or go after something bigger. Something that will offer new experiences, friends, activities and a shit load of great country music…. I think the choice is clear.

While some may choose a life with a safe and mundane routine… a home with wheels and a town that suffocatingly small and without “things to do”. While some choose a life that they believe will provide a lifestyle their accustomed to… the rest of us will chase the new and exciting adventures and experiences that Nashville will offer.

I can’t wait… I’ve been busy searching for a place to live and let me tell you…. wow! I’ve been researching things to do and activities and I’ve been blown away by what Nashville has to offer…. this is going to be awesome!!

Frankly, I thought this adventure was going to happen with someone by my side. A partner in crime… a very special person.. but this is going to be a solo venture. That brings a different feel to this adventure but it also is liberating.

There is a plethora or opportunities for expanding my photography portfolio… there are world class restaurants and bars… top level live music… incredible outdoor activities including some pretty awesome lakes. There are craft breweries, distilleries and wineries as well as countless road trip opportunities!!!

This is going to be an awesome and an incredible experience. I can’t wait to meet new friends and….. wait for it….. finally get a new dog to be my wingman for all of it!!

The road trip to Nashville begins in a few short weeks… I’ll try to chronicle the trip and the new life. Join me as I start this new chapter!!

Optimism and motivation are things that everyone has the ability to harness. With them in your toolbox you can accomplish many great things. But what happens when you are having a tough time finding your optimism and motivation?

There are times in our lives when even the most positive and driven person struggles with depression and can find themselves in a funk that drags them down. This is often caused by some external influence. But here’s the thing, those external influences don’t care about you and you can’t control them… so why let them control you?

I know, I know… it’s often easier said than done when someone says, “don’t worry about things that you can’t control”. But this is the key to unlocking the optimism and motivation that you’ve been needing to get out of your funk.

A tactic that I have found helpful in the past is to break things down to smaller, more manageable tasks. For example, are you obsessed with checking your ex’s social media? Do you find yourself checking it constantly throughout the day? Instead of trying to stop altogether, which can be overwhelming and often not sustainable, try focusing on much smaller chunks of time. So instead of trying to not check their social media for the entire day, try not to check it for the next 30 minutes. When that 30 minutes is up, focus on the next 30 minutes. If even that is too hard, aim for 15 minutes. After a few wins it gets easier. The next thing you know it’s been 5 days (broken down into 240 30 minute blocks).

You can use this tactic for anything you’re having a hard time accomplishing. Let’s say, you’re writing a book… it can be overwhelming (trust me, I know) but instead of sitting down to write an entire book commit to writing one page. At this pace you could write a 300+ page book in one year… one page at a time.

When you start making progress towards your goal and when you start experiencing some wins, it will get easier and easier… before you know it , you’ve recaptured your motivation and your optimism will reappear. Then you’re on your way to climbing out of that funk and getting your life back!

You got this!

Life is filled with many chapters. Some are joyous, some are exciting, some are challenging and others are sad. The great thing about these chapters though is that they all shape you and give you the opportunity for growth.

Sometimes the happiest of chapters teach you the least while the saddest and most challenging teach you the most. You see, adversity is a much better teacher than comfort. Also, if you’re just comfortable are you really living at all? If you choose the safe path, the path of least resistance, can you ever truly live a life of substance and reward? I don’t think so.

In order to live a remarkable life you have to be willing to take chances. You need to step out of your comfort zone and take risks. The bigger the risk the greater the reward. This is true in many facets of life. It is true with your career, it is true with your passions and it is absolutely true in love.

Choosing one partner over another because one is safe, and provides security and routine is taking the easy way out. Especially when the other choice is the one that makes your heart beat faster and gives you those feelings that no other has. Yes, this choice may be the more difficult choice. It may come with more uncertainty and more work but the reward is a once in a lifetime love with someone that really gets you and is there for for in every way… no matter what.

Choosing someone based on things like fancy trips and short lived novelties will ultimately leave you unfulfilled and longing for that magical love that you dismissed in favor of these short term luxuries.

Your heart is a powerful thing. It will lead you to the love you desire over and over again. The problem is that your head will talk your heart out of it. The result is loneliness, unfulfilled love and an emptiness that will never be filled.

So, if your heart keeps pulling you in one direction maybe you should try trusting it. Maybe the risk could lead to something phenomenal. Something truly magical. We spend so much time worrying about what others think of us and overthinking the what if’s instead of just chasing happiness and true love. In the end, those will make you much happier than whatever anyone else thinks of you or worrying about those what if’s.

You’re only given one or two real chances at true, unconditional love. If you know in your heart that someone will love you more than any other, that someone will make you happy, that someone will always be there for you and not judge you, that someone will love you for you including your imperfections, that someone that gives you those feelings that no one else has ever been able to … you better hold onto it. Don’t waste it. Don’t “think”too much and definitely don’t let it get away… because if you do, you may lose the one thing that was real and true…. and that would just be a waste.

Don’t be afraid to love and be loved.

Lessons of the day for those focused on self improvement and development:

Align yourself with those that value integrity and character and separate yourself from those that lack them.

All lies are wrong but many lies versus one…. that’s a blatant lack of a moral compass.

Can you EVER trust someone that says, “I don’t lie”…. when they are caught in multiple lies….

Pity those that cheat and pity those that don’t even know they’ve been cheated on even more.

Don’t be blinded by your unconditional love for someone. Keep your eyes open in order to see when you’re being disrespected.

And finally, sometimes the universe pairs up those that lack character and decency. I believe that they will end up hurting each other but that would just be karma at work if you ask me…

I’m flawed… yes flawed. I’m flawed but I’m not beyond hope. Finding your true and authentic self first requires that you identify… and own, your faults.

I’ve been on a journey of self love and improvement for the last few months. Like many life changing shifts mine was the result of enormous failure and regret.

The details regarding the failure and regret and irrelevant to this post though. You see, it’s not the failure, but how you react… correct… and use that failure. You can use it as an excuse and try to blame others or you can own it and work on ways of preventing it from ever happening again.

Like you’ve seen in countless motivational quotes… every failure is an opportunity… Every failure is a teaching point… every failure is win when used as a catalyst for positive change.

Today, I’m an entirely different man than I was a few months ago. I’ve owned my failures, sought out therapy and friends for support. I’ve improved my diet and fitness and I’ve begun to embrace my passions again.

My internal creative drive has been ignited and I’m once again passionate about my future.

But why? Why do all of this “work”? It’s simple actually… when you decide to love yourself above others you can finally capture the true essence of life and living. When you place yourself first and commit to bettering yourself you attract the right people into your life.

Self improvement is kinda like being a recovering alcoholic or addict. You see, you’re never really done. You will always be working towards manifesting your best self. The best version of you. You never get there. You never become perfect. In fact, you’re going to make more mistakes… you’re going to be hurt again and you are also going to experience the highest of highs and the deepest of loves.

It’s what the journey is all about. So if you’re currently in a place that seems dark or bad or fucked up in some way…. awesome! It’s awesome because the greatest joys are only appreciated in contrast to the lowest lows.

Embrace your failures and own them. Admit your shortcomings and apologize to those that deserve it. Be present and listen to those that love you. Take criticism and shoulder the blame if it’s warranted. Use it all as fuel towards creating the absolute best version of you!

You got this!

Every day 22 veterans take their lives… that’s over 8000 veterans a year that leave us before they should.

Veterans take their lives for for many reasons but the fact is that many could be saved if the people around them recognized their need for help.

I’m not an expert in suicide, let alone veteran suicide but just letting your veteran know that you are there for them no matter what, can be a life saver.

So take the time to let your veteran know that you are there if they ever need to talk… or vent… or whatever.

Take it from someone that has had a bout or two with depression and has had thoughts of self harm… having people in your life that are there for you makes all the difference. It truly could be the difference between life and death.

So, support the troops. Our veterans, my brothers and sisters, deserve to have have the support of those in their lives when they need it most.

Be that shoulder to cry on…. that open ear… that rock solid support that they need when everything seems dark and hopeless. Be a friend… be that one person that they can count on.

Guess what? It’s not just a veteran thing. Many people battle depression and suicidal thoughts. Probably more than you could even imagine but here’s the thing…. their story doesn’t need to be a tragic one. Let it be a story of survival and love. Be the love that could save a life. Care…. listen… talk… just be there…

#Mission22

#SuicideAwareness